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By Barton Goldsmith

• Make sure you have the basics in common. For example, if one of you wants children and the other doesn’t, it’s a deal breaker. Spiritual and political differences also can be difficult to deal with. As we age, our feelings in these areas tend to intensify.

• Make sure that you have enough differences that, if you are unable to go out, you can still entertain each other. If someone is just like you, it might get a little boring as time goes by.

• Physical compatibility has more to do with touch than it does with sex. If you’re a tactile person, you need to be with someone who shares that desire. People’s desire for sex changes over a lifetime, but our need for touch remains fairly constant.

• Beware of people who want to get married immediately. Engagements were created for a reason. They used to call them "handfasts," and they lasted for a year and a day. Things move much quicker these days, but it’s wise to know someone for at least six months before getting engaged.

• Find someone who makes you laugh. A sense of humor can help you overcome many of life’s obstacles. If someone can make you smile when you don’t feel like it, that’s a great quality.

There are no guarantees in life. It isn’t possible to be absolutely sure about anyone. Take your time; listen to your friends and to your intuition. Picking the right person for the right reasons at the right time is an art form.

Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., can be reached at barton@emotionalfitness.net. For more stories visit www.scrippsnews.com.

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